I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you inspire me to be a worse person
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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