I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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