He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Blood and glitter go together right?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
