Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize