life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
