went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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