she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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