The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
