Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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