Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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