Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
