I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
