In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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