I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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