hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
