So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
