Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There's always time for handjobs
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
