Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
