Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
