Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
