I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
