i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
