I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
