Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Drunk is a universal language darling
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