so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it was like eating out sand paper
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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