I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
