She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
