i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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