Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
