just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
