Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
