he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize