I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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