He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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