this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
