my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
