so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
