I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
