$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
NoShamevember. You game?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
