Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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