just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
