She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
