I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
