i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
