i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
