he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
