I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
