I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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