Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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