just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
