Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
