I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Let's get the cat blown out
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
