Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
