you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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