Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
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She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
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Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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