the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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