That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
