i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
