Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
