I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
