she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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