I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
