Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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