I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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