Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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