I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
