It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
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They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
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So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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