I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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