This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
