I need help removing her.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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