sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
