I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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