I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
