I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
