My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
