just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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